ISSUE 1
JULY 2003

Hyperactive or Superactive?

   People with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) are not hyperactive, but superactive, says Adrian Tan, chairman of the very successful Adplanet group of advertising and design companies. These people have much more energy than the average person.
   Adrian, who has turned his ADHD into an asset, also believes that people with ADHD will be different from others. Because of their curious nature and strong need for excitement or need to “feel alive”, they will not turn out to be the average, normal people in the society.
   ADHD people can become either very “good” or very “bad”, and hence it is important to guide children with ADHD in the right direction when they are young. Guiding the child with ADHD in the right direction is more important than the intensity of the guidance, stresses Adrian.
   People with ADHD learn through distraction. At night, Adrian reads a book so that he can listen better to his wife. He also related the example of how his younger son (who also has ADHD) learned to swim when he was teaching the older son. Adrian felt that it would have been much more difficult to directly teach his younger son to swim because he is easily distracted.
   Adrian also told his listeners from Spark that the mind of a person with ADHD is like that of a satellite disk. It will capture every single bit of information around the person and it is very difficult for a young person with ADHD to manage the information without overloading.
   They will learn to manage this information overload only when they are older. Because of this, children with ADHD are likely to be late developers.
   My interpretation of the Adrian’s observations is that people with ADHD always have to learn to deal with distractions. Adrian’s wife may be more forgiving in terms of having to repeat the information that Adrian may have missed. Whether he is reading a book or not, a person with ADHD will still miss some of the information being communicated.
   People with ADHD are also likely to do well in areas where the average person will be overwhelmed by information overload. After all, they have been “trained” from young to handle information overload.
   Adrian gave some examples of people, like fashion photographer Geoffrey Ang, who has no secondary school education and yet earns $15,000 a day for his services.
   He noted that it is nearly a pre-requisite for art directors in his company to not have an education.
   The typical education will make a person conform to the rules and norms of the society. In the advertising business, it is the unusual, rule-breaking advertisements that will win customers’ attention.
   So people with ADHD will thrive in pursuits different from the norm. They always like to test the limits, question rules and try something new.
   Adrian could not overemphasised that a child with ADHD needed to have his self-esteem protected. Because it will be extremely difficult to educate society and schools to better understand children with ADHD, Adrian felt that the home is the most important place to ensure that the child’s self-esteem is preserved.
   To overcome the difficulties encountered by people with ADHD, Adrian believes that such people and their families must have the courage to be different from others.

This is a summary of a talk entitled Succeeding With ADD/ADHD given by Adrian Tan at the 4 January 2003 meeting of the Parents Support Group of Spark. Reported by Lee Swee Huat.

Creative Parenting

   Architect Kwok Chow Thim spent many years looking for effective ways to bring up his children. After his experience, he compiled a list of the methods he found to be effective to share with his friends. The ideas were so useful that Times Media turned them into a book called Creative Parenting: Ideas That Work.
   Some of his key ideas, relating especially to discipline and education, involved both mothers and fathers.

DISCIPLINE MORE, CRITICISE LESS

   It is important to focus on the desired behaviour, rather on focusing on what has gone wrong.
   Criticising a child for his poor grade will not help him improve his grades; it will only hurt his self-esteem and is likely to have adverse effects.

Correct immediately

• Many parents make the mistake of correcting the wrong behaviour too late. Either the parent may have forgotten to correct the child later, or the child might have forgotten what he has done wrong earlier.
• The phrase “You will get it from me when you get home” should be a common phrase to many parents.
• It is better the pull the child aside and discipline him immediately.

Praise with sincerity

• Praise only when you mean it and be specific as to what action(s) that you are praising.

Discipline: practise what you preach

• It is important to say what you mean and mean what you say.
• Many parents teach their children not to cross the road when the pedestrian light is blinking while they themselves dash across the road when the pedestrian light is blinking.
• Behaviours and habits are caught; they are not taught.

Do what you say

• Many parents do not carry out their “one last play” at the toy-machine and wonder why their child is so disobedient.
• An effective way to get your child to do what you say is to get the child’s agreement on a particular action to be carried out.

THE BEST TIME TO TEACH CHILDREN IS WHEN THEY ARE ASKING QUESTIONS

   The best time for children to learn new things is when they are asking questions.

• Never underestimate the ability of young children.
• A young child may learn how to shut down a computer after watching his/her parents do this on a number of occasions.

Make good use of the computer

   Some CD-ROMs meant for adults may be suitable for children (e.g. CD-ROM on “Life’s Greatest Mysteries” which is meant for adults).

Use magic tricks to teach science

• Children can learn things better if they can make use of what they learn.
• Using a weighing scale will help children better appreciate the concept of weight (e.g., let us see how heavy your teddy bear is, etc.)

MAKE LEARNING FUN

• It is easier to teach the child something that the child is interested in.
• If a child does not like reading but enjoys playing with Pokemon toys, a simple book on Pokemon and comprehension questions relating to Pokemon characters would be very interesting to the child
• It is fairly boring to learn about insects in the classroom for many children; a field trip will liven the learning enthusiasm of many children.

Assessment worksheets

• Focus only on the areas where your child is weak in.
• It is a waste of time for the child to spend extra time on what they already know.

Monopoly and other children’s’ games

• Monopoly can be used to teach maths and Cluedo to teach analytical skills.

Walt Disney tapes/VCDs/DVDs

   Many Walt Disney shows are educational and teach children the right set of values.

Signs and advertisements

• An excellent way to teach young children new words is through the road signs and advertisements they see everywhere.
• A young child can also be taught to read the shopping list when shopping for groceries.

After school time-table

   Allocate at most 1/3 of the after school time-table for school work and other important activities. Stick to the time-table after obtaining the child’s agreement on the time table.

• Children should be taught to complete their homework on their own in primary school.
• It would be very difficult to do so during secondary school if this habit is not inculcated during their primary school years.

Find out the real interest of your child

   This is especially important when handling children with learning difficulties.
   By finding out the child’s real interest and integrating what the child is interested in with the area that you want to teach your child, you will significantly improve the chance that the chance will co-operate with you in learning the new area.

Teach your child how to achieve what you want them to achieve.

   There is no point telling the child “I just want you to get 90 marks for this test and I don’t care how you do it!”
   You will have to find out the specific
difficulties your child has before you can help him achieve what you want him to achieve.

This is a summary of a talk entitled Creative Parenting: Ideas That Work given by Kwok Chow Thim at the 1 March 2003 meeting of Spark’s Parents Support Group. Reported by Lee Swee Huat.

10 Tips To Surviving Your
ADD/ADHD Child

1. Have realistic expectations
   We all have expectations for our child, just make sure they are realistic.
   If your expectations are too high or unrealistic then you will be constantly subjected to feelings of hurt, disappointment or anger. Be “realistic”.

2. Keep your home organised
   The more regular your schedules or the more organised you can be at home, the better for your child.
   Routines can help your child to accept order in his life. Be consistent with them.

3. Simplify your life
   Don’t try to do all things or be all things. Reduce the number of your commitments to others.
   Your child needs your time and attention more than others (except perhaps your spouse). Spend more time at home with your child and family.

4. Accept your child’s situation
   If your child is hyperactive, accept that your child is, has been, and will be, a person with very high levels of energy, limited impulse control, and difficulty sitting still.
   Don’t feel guilty. Did you cause it? No. Is the child intentionally hyperactive? No.
   Don’t waste your time trying to eliminate the hyperactivity, just learn how to redirect it into positive channels. Be patient.

5. Be fair, firm, and consistent with your discipline
   Make sure your child knows the rules ahead of time. Review them as you go along. Always be fair to the child.
   Be firm, don’t reward inappropriate behaviours by ignoring them, but use your wisdom on how to discipline or punish.

6. Teach competent behaviour and correct
rebellious behaviour
   Kids are weird. They forget to put the lid down on the toilet seat. They run through the house. They do kid things.
   But you should know the difference between “incompetence” and “rebelliousness.”
   When your child acts wrongly, teach him the correct way, and have him practice it.
   Rebellious or defiant behaviour, however, needs to be disciplined. Your child does need to know who’s in charge, and that person needs to be you, not him.

7. Avoid allowing yourself or your child to
become fatigued
   We all get grouchy and irritable when fatigued. Don’t schedule so many activities in your day that you get tired, or he does.
   If it happens, either or both of you will become hard to live with. Cut back on your activities Do less, not more. Save your energy. Slow down.

8. Take your child only to places where he has a
chance to be successful
   If your child simply cannot handle going to the store, church, or birthday parties, then don’t take him there.
   Or go but stay around and provide the supervision that he’ll need so that he doesn’t blow it with his behaviour and have the event turn into just another failure in his life.

9. Watch less TV, not more
   When we are tired, our tendency is simply to “veg out” in front of the television.
   Watching television simply steals our precious time and the attention we should be giving our family. Instead, read books, talk to each other, play board games, or go for walks.

10. Take care of yourself, too!
   Eat right, work out, spend time with your spouse, your friends, and yourself. Don’t focus your energy exclusively on your child. There is more to life.
   Read good books, not just ADD books. Enjoy sunsets. Take walks. If your life reflects a sense of balance, then in a crisis you will respond with greater wisdom and discernment.