22. How can I talk so that the ADHD child will listen to me?

22.1. The following are extracted from the talk / book "How to Talk so that Kids will Listen and How to Listen so that Kids will Talk":

• Describe what you see and feel
  
• Give information on what has happened
  
• Write a note on what needs to be done
  
• Do not command, lecture, moralize, warn, compare prophesize or be sarcastic
  
• Alternatives to punishments
  
  • Point out acceptable alternatives (show child how to make amends)
    
  • Express disapproval for specific actions, not disapproval of the child's character
    
  • State your expectations
    
  • Give the child a choice
    
  • Take preventive action
    
  • Problem-solve together with child
    
• When praising, be specific about the action that you are praising
  
  • Describe what you see and feel (e.g. I can see that the toys are neatly kept. I like that. That is what I call being organised)
    
  • General praises are not as effective (e.g. good boy, well done)
    
• Accept and respect the child's feeling
  
  • Acknowledge and give them a word to describe their feeling
    
  • Do not deny their feelings, give advice or be philosophical
    
• Encourage autonomy in your child
  
  • let child make choices
    
  • show respect for his struggles
    
  • don't ask too many questions
    
  • don't rush to answer the child's question, prompt them for possible answers
    
  • don't take away hope
    
• Avoid labelling your child
  
  • Describe what the child has done and how you feel about the action
    
  • Help your child to generate other possible actions
    
  • Let your child overhear positive comments
    
  • Teach your child the sporting spirit
    
• Your child behaves the way he does because he lack choices at the moment, help him generate acceptable alternatives
  
• Watch your non-verbal signals (tone, pitch, gestures, posture, eye pattern, etc) - they account for 93% of the total communication