19. How can I help the ADHD child feel that he is loved?

19.1. The following are extracted from the talk / book "Heart of Parenting":

• Make sure your ADHD/ADD child feels he is worthwhile and loveable so that he / she can grow up to be an effective and happy adult with good self-esteem
  
• Be specific in your praise and criticism. Describe the behaviour that caused the praise or criticism; also describe what could have been done to avoid the problem/criticism.
  
• Allow your child to be competent and responsible:
  
  • It is important for the child to feel that he can competently control everyday experience
    
  • This will affect his future behaviour in terms of willingness to try and to be persistent in achieving his goals
    
• Signs of a good parent-child relationship:
  
  • Child comes and ask you to carry or hold him
    
  • Child brings hurt feelings to you
    
  • Child says something that shows he knows how you feel
    
  • Child helps when not asked
    
  • Child wants to talk or be with you.
    
• Signs of a poor parent-child relationship:
  
  • Child does not send messages like those above
    
  • You are often angry with your child
    
  • Small issues becomes big issues
    
  • You talk to your child in a sarcastic , lecturing, insulting way
    
  • You hit your child in fits of rage
    
  • Your child defies you or shouts at you
    
• Communicating Love & Acceptance:
  
  • Tell your child you love & appreciate him
    
  • Show love by touching
    
  • Let your child do his own things without directions or criticisms
    
  • Be a good listener
    
  • Share your child's activities without taking over
    
• Learn to recognise your child's feelings
  
  • We must find clues to the feelings of our children which may be hidden in what they say or do
    
  • We must show the child we understand by telling him our understanding of his feelings
    
• Sharing Yourself with your child
  
  • Let the child know and experience how you feel, your thoughts and your expectations
    
  • This should be done without intending to manipulate the child by making him feel guilty or fearful
    
  • There should be no expectations that the child will act differently because of what you say
    

19.2. Make bedtime a special time for the ADHD/ADD child:

• Develop a bed-time routine, starting 30 minutes before sleeping
  
• Have the ADHD/ADD child pick his favourite book, etc.
  
• Tuck them into bed, tell them you will always love them and kiss them goodnight; a child's favourite bed-time song:
  
  • I love you for always,
    
  • I like you forever
    
  • For as long as I'm living
    
  • My baby you will be.